Poker Funniest Moments
And, apparently, many people have something to say about poker. From inspirational to true to obscure to funny poker quotes, and everything in between, take a look at these best quotes about poker. To make it a bit easier to navigate, I’ve divided these quotes about poker into these categories: Inspirational quotes about poker; Funny poker quotes. Poker players are well-known for being a little crazy. Most people think it is just money they are crazy with but I think we will all admit the lifestyle and stories are outstanding. I have been entertaining myself reading some of the funniest poker stories posted online and remembering some of my own experiences.
In the cult book Big Deal, Anthony Holden sums up the game of poker perfectly:
'Poker may be a branch of psychological warfare, an art form or indeed a way of life - but it is also merely a game, in which money is simply the means of keeping score.'
Yet, while money is important, you can have a great time at the poker table, win or lose - just ask PokerStars ambassador Kevin Hart. He might not have any marquee cashes to his name yet, but you won't find him at the tables without a huge grin on his face. At the recent PokerStars Championship Monte Carlo, Hart said, 'I love to live, love and laugh. I want to bring this energy to the game of poker. And when I do this, poker will be elevated.'
But Hart isn't the first of poker's funny guys. Phil Hellmuth has been raising laughs wherever he plays - albeit unintentionally - for nearly 30 years now. And plenty of other players have entertained us with their stupidity at the table, like Mikkel Habb and his preening, posing slowroll (with added insta-karma) at the 2016 Aussie Millions, or Hevad Khan's energy drink-induced antics that were so over-the-top they prompted a change in the WSOP's rules.
You've got to be in the right place at the right time for these laughs, though. If you want comedy on demand with your cards you need to leave the real world behind and join us for these comedy classics - the four funniest poker scenes in history. And we're not talking James Bond's final hand in Casino Royale.
These six Friends seemed inseparable. And then a poker game breaks out...
Even if you think you know your Friends inside out, you might not remember as far back as this classic. Episode 18 of the first season was all about a battle-of-the-sexes home game, and the set-up happened at the Central Perk coffee shop where the guys are talking about a game the previous night that made Joey cry. So why, the girls wanted to know, have you never played with us?
Funniest Moments Ever
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it?
Joey: We just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.
Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse!
Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?
Girls: No.
Rachel: But you could teach us.
Guys: No.
But, of course, they do. And there are some classic lines, like this one from Ross when the girls announce they're ready to play: 'Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two Jacks because they didn't look happy...'
We won't ruin the result of the game itself, but suffice to say it doesn't go all the boys' way.
You might watch Kevin Hart's Netflix comedy special - available right now, and very funny - for a good look at the latest poker-playing celeb in his natural habitat, but before the stand-up there's a hilarious mini-movie. In a send-up of the poker scene from Casino Royale, Hart plays Agent 0054 and finds himself up against The Really Evil Villain and Don (Cheadle) The Rival Agent in a winner-takes-all $1m buy-in game with starting blinds of $5k/$10k. However, things start going downhill before the cards are dealt.
Worlds Funniest Moments
Dealer: The game is no-limit poker, five communal cards, two in ze 'ole.
Kevin: I'm sorry, what?
Dealer: Two cards in ze 'ole.
Kevin: No, nothing's going in my hole. I don't know what this game is but we're not going to play it today.
If you end up on a poker table with Kevin Hart in real life, watching this might help you avoid the fate of Cheadle, who loses his cool and has to be escorted from the casino after some expert needling from the star of the show.
Could you keep your poker face during this interrogation?
One of the finest sitcoms of all time was also host to one of the keenest celebrity poker players, Jason Alexander. Alexander has a couple of decent cashes on his CV - one from the WSOP Ante Up event in 2007 (10th for $12,174) and one from the WSOP Circuit in 2010 (5th for $16,933) - and he's also the star of one of the funniest poker scenes on TV.
This one doesn't happen at the poker table but in Seinfeld's apartment, where Jerry confesses to George that he didn't tell him a friend [Gary Fogel] had cancer as he has 'no poker face' and can't keep a secret.
However, when George meets said friend later, Fogel confesses that he's been living a lie and never had cancer. George promises not to tell Jerry and then has to put his poker face to the test straight after.
If you've got a friend with a bad poker face you'll appreciate this scene all the more.
Jerry: You look like something's on your mind.
George: Nope, nothing, I'm fine.
Jerry: So, that's your poker face?
George: My regular face...
Jerry: No it isn't, I've seen your regular face, that is not it. Come on what you got?
George: I got nothing.
Wwe Funniest Moments
Jerry: What you got? A pair of bullets? Two pair, three of a kind?
George: Will you stop it?
Jerry: A full house, you've got a full house... Turn them over George, I want to see 'em, come on I'm calling [thumps the table], what've you got?
George [shouting]: Gary Fogel never had cancer!
Seinfeld was always going to be hard to follow-up, but Curb Your Enthusiasm actually betters it at points. And never more so than when Larry David commits one of his seemingly endless social faux pas. This one takes place at the poker table where a huge pot is brewing. Julia Louis Dreyfus is holding the cards but is anyone going to call her?
Despite Larry exhorting people to call - 'Come on, somebody go in...' - the table folds round one by one until Julia gets to scoop the pot, and David turns arch inquisitor. Unfortunately, he finds out that someone has folded an Ace and things turn frosty rather quickly. You'll have to watch it yourself to find out what was said (it's extremely NSFW), but you might be able to guess from the exchange between David and his wife (Cheryl Hines - also a keen celeb poker player) as they head back to their car.
Larry: I'm guessing we probably won't get invited back to their poker game.
Cheryl: I don't think so, I can't believe you did that...
Larry: Oh come on... It's a word you use when someone doesn't act manly, and he didn't act manly... He should've gone in with that Ace.
Cheryl: I think there are other words you can use besides that one.
Larry: Well, maybe in retrospect I should've said p*****.
Warning: very NSFW. Second warning: very funny.
Are there any funny poker scenes you think we failed to include in this list? Let us know @PokerStarsBlog on Twitter!
20:5923 Jun
(Photo: Fortune.com)
Poker players are well-known for being a little crazy. Most people think it is just money they are crazy with but I think we will all admit the lifestyle and stories are outstanding. I have been entertaining myself reading some of the funniest poker stories posted online and remembering some of my own experiences. I trust and I hope that these stories are honest and I think they are. I just hope I do them justice because there is limited space.
Here are my favorite funny poker stories. The last one is my own, which happened to me some years ago and was so funny I’ve never forgotten it and I am sure I never will.
For FedEx Sake!
This one is funny to me and I laughed when I read it. It is a bit of the butterfly effect, and when you ponder it, you will find your mind realizing how crazy life can be. Here goes. In 1973, FedEx was not the multi-billion dollar company it is today. It was in deep trouble, and the company was down to its final $5,000 in the bank with a $24,000 fuel bill staring owner Fred Smith in the face. Fred decided to go down in style, heading to Vegas with his final $5,000 and gambling it (as you do!). He hit a timely run of cards, turning $5,000 into $27,000 and saving the company. Over 40 years later, FedEx has grown into the huge company it is today, giving Fred a personal net worth of over $2 billion. Just think about that for a moment! I wonder if he tipped the dealer that night?
Know Your Left From Your Right
In a small buy-in tournament in the USA, a young man was holding a short stack and staring elimination in the face. He had his hole cards in one hand and his few remaining chips in the other. He looks at his cards and stops to think for a moment and then throws his chips into the middle announcing “fold” as he does so. The dealer says “But you threw your chips into the pot?” to which the player sits for a moment then swears. It transpires he had forgotten which hand his chips were in and meant to throw away his other hand (his hole cards) rather than his last few chips. Unfortunately the poker Gods did not spare him and he busted out of the tournament. At least it appears he would have made a good decision to fold before the bad decision to “muck” his chips!
Celebrate Wisely
This story is funny, but only because it didn’t happen to me! User Laez posted this on Reddit and it was so funny I actually laughed out loud, rather than just “internet laughing”, which for me is just to smile. Over to Laez.
“A friend of mine had been running pretty bad and was on his last $300 at 1/2. He runs it up to about $800. He's feeling lucky so he moves to 2/5 with $500 with $300 to retreat to 1/2 if it doesn't work out. . Shorty after getting a seat he finds himself with KK. He limp 3 bets. Gets 4 bet shoved on by another limper and the original raiser calls. He tanks forever. Says he knows one of them has AA. Calls anyway. Both have AA. He binks a K on the flop. Triples up.
He is super stoked. Decides to celebrate by going to his favorite hooker who lives in another state an hour away. So after celebrating his luck with this hooker she asks him for a ride to another motel. This next motel is a police sting. They arrest him. Then he finds out that the hooker told them that he was her pimp. She said that he beats her, takes her money and that he is the one that posts the ads on Craigslist. They charge him with dozens of charges and tell him he could get 15 years in prison. He uses his phone call to call the poker room. We go bail him out the next day. When he comes out he says thanks but nothing else. Obviously didn't sleep that night. It's quiet in the car for like 15 minutes. And then out of nowhere he says. 'I should have folded those Kings.';
Tremendous. He should definitely have folded those kings but the true humor in this story is that he is blissfully unaware of the odd activities he undertook that led to him being arrested. I hope the hooker in question is no longer his favorite, I’m not sure she deserves it anymore.
Never Teach People to Play Poker
This story happened to me and is 100% true. My friend knew of my interest in poker and had railed me one evening when I had done quite well in a low stakes MTT and had won $50. He thought this was fantastic and said he had always fancied learning to play poker and begged me to teach him. I eventually agreed and as I have a set of chips and cards we set about playing one evening. After a painful hour or two teaching him the rules he still didn’t seem to get it so we began to play a little heads up with a view of learning as we encountered different spots. It was not difficult to beat him at first as he called everything and if I had a hand I was usually ahead.
Then suddenly we got to the flop and he raises instead of calling. “You’re raising?” I said, impressed he remembered how to do it. “Yes.” he said, looking rather excited. “We need to work on your poker face.” I said. We got to showdown. I had two pair and pure morbid curiosity had gotten me this far as he had bet every street. I showed my two pair. “Can you beat this?” I asked? “Yes.” He said, turning over his cards. “A red flush.” “A what?” I said. “A red flush.” He said, like I was the fool. And there it was. Three hearts and two diamonds. “Nice hand.” I said. He looked so happy I couldn’t break it to him, but we have a laugh about it now. He turned out to be a pretty good poker player once he got to grips with the game. Don’t forget, we all start somewhere!